What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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