i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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