That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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