you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
