i barfeds in our rink
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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