Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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