All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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