Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
