I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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