Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
