Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize