Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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