I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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