I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
