Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
