hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
