Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
