sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
