my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
