Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
