if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize