Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
