god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
