OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
