Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
