I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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