I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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