forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
