If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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