Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
