it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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