the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
