go do what you do best...puke behind churches
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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