I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate all girls vehemently.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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