I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I smell stomach acid.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
