I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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