we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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