Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
