he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
