i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
