Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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