Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
