omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
