the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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