Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
