Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
