I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
