I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
