GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
