Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
