Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
