I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
