I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
