Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
