you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
