I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
