one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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