A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone came in the potted fern
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
