Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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