____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
