I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
