I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
