Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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