just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
