drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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