omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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