I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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