um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
