Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
