You really coming over, don't trick.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
