I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
