I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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