sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
