talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize