im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we're making bets on your personal life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
