apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
