i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
