I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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