loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
