rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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