I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
