I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
