I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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