Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
