I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
