no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
