So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
