if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
