Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
