The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
