you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
