Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
