What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
