I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
