she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
