did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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