Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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