Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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