she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I said "one day" and that day is not today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
