Betty ford says i'm here all night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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