Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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