She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
