He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
