i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
