I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
