can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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