i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
