Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
