Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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